Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
