Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
