You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
