Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
