From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
