The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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