I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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