How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
