I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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