I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
