I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
