so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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