My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
