were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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