Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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