So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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