no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
