I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
