She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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