i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
