I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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