dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
