I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
