A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
