My pussy is not your playground.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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