Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
