3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
