I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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