I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
