Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sober January is a disaster.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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