I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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