we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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