If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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