The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
