Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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