dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
