do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
