i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
