You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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