Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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