I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
