She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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