why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
