i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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