i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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