It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
