im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
