$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He passed out mid-signature
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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