All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
