So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
