Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
