i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
