I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
