Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
