Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
