My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
