oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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