its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
