I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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