so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
