My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
being pregnant is like rehab
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
